Thursday, June 29, 2006


My wife picked my son up from camp. A boy asked my son if that was his mom and he said yes. Y did he say yes? Because we're married, she was standing there, and he didn't want to hurt her feelings if he said no and, because he didn't know what else to say. My first thought is--If he feels like she is his mom, ok, say yes. But, if he feels differently, say no and that should be it. We talked about it and he wants me to come up with an answer: What should he call her to other people? His stepmother? His partner? His "her name"? His roommate? His parental unit? His co-parent? and then, how does he explain what that is if necessary?

I really don't know what to tell him. There's not one simple answer. It really depends on the situation. Help me out.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Dom v. Femme(and vice versa)

What's this all about?

Especially in the black lesbian community, it seems like you have to be one or the other and there is a finite separation between the two. Why? One distinctive benefit of being in lesbian relationships is the likelihood of gender equity. You don't have to live by a patriarchal system that values power over life, control over pleasure, and dominance over happiness (see Marilyn French) within your own household. Whenever I see examples of how doms marginalize femmes in our community it saddens me. It's especially noticeable with the baby dykes. I'm wondering if it's because so many girls in their generation have been raised without fathers so, they look for him in their partners? Within their minds, being marginalized is part of being a girl so, it forces doms to identify even more with their masculinity? Is this putting additional pressure on the doms? The more you act like the asshole type of guy, the more women you'll attract?
Some have told me what I think I'm seeing is actually separatism based on interests...maybe I'm having trouble viewing it that way because I fully enjoy all aspects of being a woman, masculine and feminine qualities alike.